Songs from the Futuna Chapel

by violet hirst

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1.	Oh Honey 03:58	info	buy track
2.	Brave Me 05:23	info	buy track
3.	Alternate Ways to Pray 05:06	info	buy track
4.	Please..don't..leave..yet 04:28	info	buy track
5.	Sabine 05:00	info	buy track
6.	The Other Woman 04:36	info	buy track
7.	Please Write Home 06:33	info	buy track

about

These songs are all distorted but this was a special performance in a one-of-a-kind space. Apologies, the worst of distortion kicks in halfway through track 4. Track 6 is a cover of Nina Simone's 'The Other Woman'.

everything is wrong
breaking
everyone was there
we are sinking
picked apart at the scalp
everyone's sitting at different tables
pretty much my brother's birthday party
but i don't get to talk to anyone
or at least the person i want to
until we mush together as the boat rocks
but i'm mute like i was at seven
and i can't sing
these are the deep fears
to never be loved.

girl sings in a beautiful church
with painted triangular glass,
her voice shimmering tall and throughout
not much is said, rather
a trust in the understanding.

in the middle of Sabine i realise
the struck chord in my brain
that by the end makes me smile, like it used to
like it's supposed to.
at the end of The Other Woman i frown,
desperately exhale
i have been waiting in the wings for you
can they tell how desperate it is?
i say thank you, they clap, it ends.
and now we are apart
putting away my guitar
taking down the piano
folding each corner of this new scarf around my diary
just to have more time facing the wall alone
i must leave,
but you can't yet
you are the brave heart who cries in public
i grab Isabelle for a moment outside
to embrace and whimper
she tells me it's hard
she says it's okay
i smile and i laugh
at myself but i still cry because it's true
it is hard and i am so alone up there
i hear the door open and close
people are walking past
i pull away and i blow my nose
and i see Zane so i say,
hello Zane
and he can clearly see there are tears in my eyes
but i ask what he's doing in town and he tells me
every time the house music gets put on it's something like
"has our Autumn died"
these songs are so sad
this is my playlist
this is a small gig
i feel i should be approachable
a friend to the listeners
to let them know how grateful i am they took the time to come to Karori and listen to me sing
me, me, me, commanding attention
as everyone sits quietly and peeled
i wish i could hug each one of them
look into their eyes and say
thank you
but i am also breaking down
and i cannot say much right now
i feel this grief coming and i must serve it
i want to cry for a few hours now
but i will take my seat in the pillars
with arms around someone i know
and be moved by the next band.

credits

released September 26, 2021

Performed with Phoebe Johnson (double bass) and Hikurangi Schaverien-Kaa (drums).
Recorded by Yann on cassette at Futuna Chapel in Karori, August 2021.
At Yolk's Saturday Service show.
Special thanks to Yann and the band for having us play. Special thanks to James and Niccoletta from Neighbourbaite for putting the show on.
Was so special to play in this ethereal space.
Thank you to those who came and listened.
Image by Nicoletta Mancuso.

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